I'm very confused. I went up to see Massey today and I was thoroughly confused by the experience. There are so many things which are pulling me in very different directions. I feel like a rag doll caught between two bratty children. I think a suitable simile for how I'm feeling inside right now presented itself when I was driving home today. My father was tired. He was hitting himself to stay awake. He'd had enough of driving and I was terrified that I was going to end up going home in a body bag so I offered to drive. I took a hold of the beastly vehicle that is my fathers Izuzu FWD. It's massive and difficult to negotiate. It's hard to stop and you don't know when you're accelerating until suddenly you're going 120 kph.
The road was slippery because of the rain. Add to that the trucks which were milling all around me making me feel completely trapped and you have a very dangerous driving experience. Finally the back window didn't have any wipers so the only way I could look behind me was through using my peripheral vision and the side view mirrors. It was like life. I felt like at any moment I could crash right into the barriers and head over into the ocean never to be seen or heard from again. Life is scary. Life is unpredictable. We're lucky that life has a road because I really would not like to be driving off country. But every so often we meet intersections and we have to indicate. I haven't turned yet but I'm about to reach that spot on the road where I have to start indicating in order to follow the 3 second rule.
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