That's it. I give up! I have just spent the last half hour racing around my house in pursuit of the illusive application form for me to go to the National Science Forum in Auckland come January. That half hour racing around my house involved me firstly eating way too much crap. You see I posses that ridiculously purposeless gene which means that whenever I happen to be stressed or depressed then I eat. Then I get depressed about eating all this crap because I think that I'm going to get fat so I eat more and more and more. And so on and so forth until my stomach hurts. At least this gene means I am unable to ever be anorexic since anorexics are depressed which makes me eat. This week before the ball I am not going to eat any crap and run every day it's going to be my challenge. Then I start to scream and yell and then I have the stage which involves my ridiculous rational. Case in point the year 11 geography exam. The skills section was so long....so I got stressed. This resulted in me writing with one hand while the other hand removed my shoelace from my shoe. I didn't even need to measure anything. I just freaked out. Tonight instead I ran out in the rain with my umbrella in my school shoes and teared apart all of our cars in pursuit of the illusive form. I didn't find it. Instead I left my mothers car unlocked, possibly lost her keys and left her umbrella on top of her car...whoops I guess.

Firstly why does everything of vital importance to me always disappear? It is ridiculously annoying. But now since I wont go to that forum I'm going to tell myself all the reasons that I'm glad I lost my form. It's a little game which I call the glad game it's meant to cheer you up but usually it just leaves you wallowing around in your own self-loathing for a while. Okay firstly it means I wont have to convince my mother to pay $1250 she would have probably used that as ammunition to guilt trip me for a while....

Secondly it means I don't have to go to Auckland or as I like to call it Suckland. Aucklanders don't seem to be able to realize that Auckland is only a very small rather insignificant part of the rest of New Zealand.

Thirdly it means that I wont have to have that annoying conversation with the other people who are applying of oh what did you get last year? Oh you're definitely not going to get chosen.

Fouthly it means that I wont have to give my form to Ms Gunn she scares me. Not as much as Ms Moss mind you. If I saw Ms Moss walking towards me and there was a window behind me I would honestly consider jumping through the window to escape from Ms Moss and if that didn't work I'd cover my eyes and use that good old logic of 'if I can't see you, you can't see me'.

Fifthly it means I wont have to be associated with the rotary. To me Rotary = Old people. And I never want to be classified as old.

Sixthly it means I wont have to write on that form what I want to be when I grow up. You see it's not as easy for me as for 25% of girls who go to Marsden. They just write down Doctor and automatically they're loved. It's also easier for the other 25% of girls who go to Marsden they just write down Lawyer and everyone comments on what a good profession they have chosen. I wish I could write down either of these but the problem is that would be lying and I'm sure one of the future Marsden Lawyers would sue me.

Seventhly (I'm getting to the stage when I start to make up words) the schedule doesn't sound the most enthralling and I don't think I'd really like to spend 2 weeks doing Chemistry.

Eighthtly I never would have been chosen what with Imogen and Cherise applying. So this way I wont be disappointed and I can hold onto the small false hope that perhaps if I had applied I would have been chosen... Maybe I shouldn't have applied for the year 11 french exchange then I could have held onto the false hope that my teachers actually like me. But that logic means that I shouldn't try for a leadership position at Marsden either...and I shouldn't write any English essay....and I shouldn't have tried out for debating...oh the sad and sombre list goes on.

Life is like this. Plain and simple. There are people. For some reason the powers that be like some people and they really don't like other people. These other people are the invisible ones. Constantly below the horizon because someone out there likes it better like that. It's not fair but its true and there are only a few small things that I can control.