Paradise - Coldplay

Tawa Hall is no longer home. The room which was 'Camilla's Room' is no more. It no longer contains any shred of my identity. It has returned to its white walled undefined state. I find it kind of strange to think that after such a long time of calling 'Tawa' home it could just be over after a day of packing. When I wiped the dust away from my window sill I thought to myself how it was almost as if I was wiping away a year. Of course I'll never forget my memories of Tawa but I think I'm still grappling with the idea that nothing that's 'me' is still there. There's no way that anyone would be able to visit and then think to themselves 'Hmm... there was that awesome girl Camilla Raddiford here.' I've taken something away but I haven't left anything behind. I find that rather strange. I guess it's a lot like that expression that you should take only photos and leave only footprints (there is a Camilla footprint on my wall after all... I was trying to take my posters off the ceiling! It's rather rough!)

The moment that I locked my door for the last time then I kinda locked away that part of my life. You can't follow the Tawa way of life for too long. It's what I needed at a very specific time in my life. Living in a hall was a way to have the freedom of living on my own without the risks. It gave me a chance to learn a little bit more about who I am without the constant influence of my parents. I know parents try to keep their opinions to themselves but let's be honest, they're always there. Subconsciously we know who are parents want us to be and what our parents want us to achieve. It's nice to have a little bit of distance from those obligations. The thing is that while I was finding out who I was then I had to try and figure out who everyone else was as well.

Before Tawa then I was in a familar social circle. I'd known the same people all through secondary school. Granted I may not have been friends with them for the entire time but I knew their history. I had contacts who'd tell me to be careful or to stay away. In Tawa then I had to make my own judgement calls. It was me against the world for a lot of the time. I know that everyone's meant to look back at their first year of Uni as 'oh my gawd it was soooo much fun... etc... etc...' My first year was different. It was about learning how to take the high road. So often people were weak, petty and manipulative. It would've been easy to stoop to their level give them a nasty smirk and then gossip about them behind their back. I grew up and I got stronger. Honestly I don't think the fresher five was fat gain I think it was just the additional layers of skin. If you listen and remember what everyone says then it just ends up eating you up inside. Your brain goes over and over the words, tone and expressions. Those people and everything that they say really isn't worth your time. So that's the big thing that I can say about Tawa Hall. It was a roller coaster I can appreciate the lows that I hit because it meant that every time I recovered I knew that the next time it wouldn't be quite so difficult. I can now look at the 'Lady GaGa' label which was affixed to my door with a sense of accomplishment because I learnt, I survived and I matured.

For some reason in my head I just keep on wondering about the person who's going to live in my room next year. I wanted to leave a message for them. It was going to be something like 'read my blog' or 'treat others as you would like to be treated'. I even wondered about writing them out a list of things I wish I'd known when I moved into the hall, like never ever put your jeans in the dryer...and never crawl into bed with frozen blueberries on your ankle.

























Gosh I bet this post sounds terrible! The thing that I have to explain to you about Tawa is that there were only a few people who behaved like tyrants. The issue was that no one would stand up to them. Having said that I met a group of incredible people who I never would've talked to without the Tawa connection. We bonded over our mutual dislike of the constant use of the indefinite pronoun 'everyone' to describe seven or eight people, we bonded over shared passions for music or TV shows or horses. I finally got to befriend people who like farms and the outdoors. To be honest they were the ones who made the highs that made up for the lows and I thank them for that.

I'm glad that my year in Tawa is over. I'm also trying to be very careful that my nostalgia doesn't cloud my judgement. I really feel like God gave me my Tawa trials because he knew that I could handle them. He knew that I needed to learn some lessons so he gave me an opportunity to learn them. I just feel better for them

2 Funny Things
*The expression on my mothers face when I hauled in a Faj full of plastic bags full of stuff.
*Me telling my father to chuck out my vodka bottle which had about a shot or so left in the bottom. He then was about to take a swig straight from the bottle when I proclaimed 'DAD you're driving home!' This was after he'd tried some of my beer as well... Gosh father!

After Dinner Mint:
The picture of the wall above is my pin board in my room or at least it was. It kind of served as a scrap book of my escapades. The red tinsel I stole from a techensoc 'let's get drunk but oh no we can't just get drunk so let's disguise it as a legit bonding exercise night'. The poker chips, card and necklace from the techensoc ball. Letters from Phoebe, my Granny and Myfanwy. A ticket to Katy Perry. A flyer from our AIESEC event. A doilie from Martha's pantry. A business card from Library bar. A nice little note that the woman from Ruby wrote when she sent me new jacket buttons. A bubble tea reward card. Birthday cards from loved ones.

I'm still pinching myself a little bit. I can't believe how fast this year went. I'm a quarter of my way through my degree.